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The Cure

May 13, 2014

1. Find a new guy, hopefully one who will love you.

2. Find a new guy, one who has a lot of money.

3. Find a new guy, doesn’t even matter, just some distraction, or your next self-afflicted-person-to-cry-over.

4. Brainwashing.

5. If he does something absolutely abhorrent, that you don’t even want to associate with him anymore. Think animal abuse. Or something punishable by years and years of jail time.

6. If he gets with a new girl now (though why would he tell you?), and you can cry your eyes out because it confirms all your fears of what you were to him, and you will die a little more than has already died since j, since k. But then after a week or two. After a month. You will be referring to him as ‘that asshole’ and not the one that got away and it will be better.

7. Move to europe and live happily ever after.

7. Get drunk. Permanently.

8. Take drugs.

9. Number 7 or 8 in combination with number 3. Or 4.

10. Cold turkey. Deleted number, deleted facebook, deleted instagram, and everything else possible.

11. Seek favours from the devil.

12. Become overly-attached-non-girlfriend, freak him out permanently, proceed to do the second half of number 6.

13. Admit that there’s no cure. Suffering is transient, as is happiness, and ultimately this will help you achieve the cold, hard, unfeeling soul that you desire.

14. Initiate a huge fight that will leave you furious at him, leaving the shredded friendship with no hopes of redemption.

15. Voodoo.

16. Suicide.

17. Other unthinkable things.

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