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October 11, 2012

maybe trust once lost can never be regained.

i don’t know what it will take.

i’ve been googling for help articles on how to regain your trust in someone. but all it comes up with is how does one regain the trust of another; something my boyfriend should be googling if he had any sense to think about this kind of things. (which he doesn’t)

some forums i came across…

The problem is that he has done things in the past that have made me lose trust in him, including not telling me the truth. Every time I begin to regain some of my trust in him, something else happens to knock it back down. The explanation is always that I misconstrued the information or situation and that I’m wrong for not trusting him.


Trust and communication are among the most important ingredients in a relationship. It sounds as if both are lacking in your case. You don’t say what he has (repeatedly) done to cause you to distrust him. But if his only response to your questions is to cast the blame on you (by saying you’re “misconstruing” his actions), well, that sounds like a man who has something to hide or a disinclination to treat his better half as if she is worthy of respect and honesty.

It’s past time to have a do-or-die conversation. Tell him (not in attack mode, but from the heart) all the reasons for your distrust and that you need real answers, not evasions. If you still don’t like what you hear, ask yourself whether he has given you valid reasons to think he’s lying to you. Or are you laying old baggage at his door? For example, did an ex betray you, and so now all men seem “skeevy”? If that’s the case, you’ve got some pondering to do — perhaps with the help of a therapist — to help you learn to separate the good guys from the bad.

If after all this, however, your gut says he’s lying, he probably is. In that case, the only thing you should throw to the wind is this relationship.


Have you ask him this question? I believe that if he actually acknowledges the wrongness of his actions, and regrets what he has done, he will come up with more than just the “I said I’m sorry what more do you want ” line. You are his wife, not his mommy and you can’t assume the role of his consciousness. If you attempt this it will shift the balance of power within your marriage, and effect it in negative ways. 


From your post, you have a lot of self esteem issues, and likely your husband hasn’t worked at lessening them. I believe you and your husband need counseling. If you choose not to love yourself you will make it impossible for anyone else to as well. 


Are you the type of person that can put this behind you? Or will this be revisited in every major fight from now until the end of your relationship? If you can not still see value in your husband and worth in him, perhaps a better question to ask is why are you thinking of staying with him?



i would really like to see a counsellor. but they don’t have answers either. i want answers. noone has them.


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